Great Expectations

I think I'm either becoming a negative person or am becoming aware that I've always been a negative person. I don't know if others do this, but in certain instances, I expect to be disappointed. And I am usually right. But I don't know if this is because I am just correct about what is going to happen, or if my expectations are too high. 

Looking back, I know this has been true for a long time. I remember a time YEARS ago when I agonized over what to get a loved one for a special day. When I finally found the perfect gift, it cost way more than I could afford on a student salary. That was the first time I opened a credit account. The gift I got in return was of more, say, "practical" use, and I remember putting on a smile and squashing down the disappointment. In this gift's defense, I am still using that item to this day. But I just remember thinking about how I had put all this thought and time into the gift I purchased for him out of love, and it felt like he went about it in the "I have to get a gift, what should I get??? Oh, here's something she could use. That'll do."  

The payments on that gift lasted longer than the relationship, but I wasn't ever bitter about that. If you know me, then you know how much I enjoy giving gifts. It's my love language.

Last summer, my friend Beth gave me these awesome weenie dog knife holder thingies. You know, you put them on your dinner table and you lean your knife against it so it won't rest directly on the table. Her step-grandmother had given them to her, and she thought "what am I going to do with these," and then thought, "Holly would LOVE THEM!" And she was right. I love all things weenie dog, and if I can entertain with it, then all the better. I was even more ecstatic because she gave me something she knew I would love because she loves me.

How is it that my girlfriends always get it right?

Thoughts on Parenting, Part Two

People are really into their kids. I can't tell you how many times I've been talking to a parent and they say something along the lines of how they want to let their kids try every sport, pursue music, art, etc. because they want to find out where their offspring is truly talented. One person a few years ago even went so far as to use the word "genius," as in, they wanted to find out in what area their child was a "genius."

Ummm, guess what? Your kid isn't a genius. He (or she) might excel in some areas or have superior talent in some area compared to other kids, but I'm looking at your kid with two knuckles up his nose, and I promise you, he's no Einstein. Of course, this is the conversation I'm having in my head. As an occasionally polite person, I just nodded and smiled.

I watch mothers and fathers running from soccer practice to football practice to ballet to violin to choir to whatever. And they are exhausted. Their kids are exhausted. And I can't help but think it's an exercise in futility. Just let them go outside and PLAY. An activity or two is fine but if you are gone several nights a week and trying to cram in homework, family life, church, etc. I think you've missed the point.

I'm not against extra-curricular activities. I think they are great. I exhibited a moderate bit of talent musically as a child and as a result I am a sometimes-proficient flutist today, thanks to 20 years of practice. But I am by no means a genius. And thank God that wasn't what my parents were interested in when they decided to let me try out for band in 6th grade because I bet that would have been a lot of pressure.

And since when is it not okay to have an average child? I'll be pleased if Annie does alright in school, has friends, is happy, compassionate and well-adjusted. If it turns out she can play a mean piano or kick a ball farther than normal, well, that's cool too. But I have a feeling that kind of "genius" finds you, not the other way around.

I propose there are other areas of talent (or genius) we, as a society, don't recognize in children because they don't involve balls, uniforms, A-440, or tap shoes. How about the ability to make someone feel welcome? Peacemaking, problem-solving, compassion, honesty, loyalty, etc.

I've added a new line to my usual Annie prayer. It comes from Micah 6:8. I pray that she will act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with her God. Even it it turns out she's "below-average," but gets that right, then my dreams for her will have been fulfilled.

Lucky for her, she also just happens to be a genius.