What has me really thinking are the side effects which could include many exciting menopause-esque experiences, depression and weight gain. YEA! Happy 32nd Birthday. Here's an extra 10 pounds, bad mood and brittle bones. Oh, and maybe some extra surgery for good measure. I guess the good news is it's not cancer.
What IT is, however, is a reminder that my life is underway. I'm an adult. This kind of stuff is starting to happen to me and my friends.
I've got this wonderful group of women with whom I meet once a year. We all went to college together and have managed to stay in contact over the last decade. At our most recent gathering, I looked around the room and saw three women with children-- one who adopted (me), two who did it the old-fashioned way--some in happy marriages, some on the rocks, one who bravely made it thru a divorce with her goodness and optimism still intact. Two dealing with chronic illness, two living outside the borders of America.
I've been really blessed. Happy marriage, easy life, effortless transition (i.e. no contractions) into motherhood and about the sweetest child a gal could want. So, I keep thinking--is this it? Is this the moment when it gets messy? And then I think, if this is the "messy," and I'm worried about it, then I'm just a whiner. Because compared what many of my peers have endured, this is a breeze. My husband loves me, my child is healthy, life is good. I guess what has me anxious is the knowledge of how quickly things can change.
I see it happen all the time-- who doesn't? One minute you're healthy, the next you're sick. In one instant you can think things are going great and you look away for one moment and it's all falling apart.
Even now at those weekend reunions with my eight dear friends, some are dealing with death, disease or heartbreak--and we're young! Someday, I suppose, some of us will be missing. The thought that "maybe it could be me" is a hard concept to grasp. But, such is the reality of the grown-up life.
3 comments:
Holly! (I love your blog by the way) but nobody is dying! This was a very sweet and hard read.
I really need to keep up with your blog more. I honestly didn't think you were blogging, and now I find out that you've been struggling on some level. I'm so sorry. You are right, though, we were never promised tomorrow and we should live accordingly . . . except we still have to do laundry. I'm sorry that you were so shaken by your recent experience because I don't feel like I've been supportive enough. I've been praying for you, but it's no good if you don't know. So, Holly, I'm praying for you. I'm praying for resolution with drug therapy and no side-effects. But I am confident in my belief that, no matter what the course, you will capture every lesson there is to learn from it and it will only deepen your compassion for others and perspective on life (which is not to say that you lack compassion or insight, but that you are always good to learn from every experience).
Wow. I know exactly what you mean. It is really scary to think about, but you're right--you never know when your world can turn completely upside-down. Mine felt great and then *BOOM!*, it did. And it sucks. But all you can do is keep your chin up and find the good in as many things as you can. And know that you control your attitude. And, Holly, you're already great at that! You laugh more than anyone I know. You have nothing to "worry" about. :)
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