First, I was shocked that this person would think I was the type who enjoyed a racist joke. Then I was more shocked when I realized how many people would see my name in the "TO" list, thereby making the assumption that I, too, approved of this type of "humor." And, moreover, there were people on the list of whom I immediately thought, "do they enjoy racist jokes and I just didn't know it?" The whole thing, to be honest, enraged me. And I felt the need to speak up. My husband, ever prudent, told me to sleep on it. So, after my blood pressure went back down, I took a nap.
And then I hit "reply to all." I worked on the draft for 30-45 minutes before I finally sent it out. I tried to make my point as delicately as possible, focusing on how I felt and not using the term "racist," as I am sure no one likes to be called that. Well, here. Just read what I wrote for yourself:
Dear Friends,I don't know all of you but I wanted to reply to all because if we ever meet, I want you to know the following about me:The so-called "Big Question" we were emailed below made me sick to my stomach. Some think it is okay to say things like that because it's a "joke," but comparing the situation of low-income people suffering through a horrendous natural disaster with the historic inauguration of an African-American President shows not only a bad sense of humor but a bad sense of humanity.I'm sure this was sent in innocent fun, but when I read it, I felt like I was being made an unwilling party to a dialogue of which I want no part. I've taken a few hours to cool off since I first read the email, so this is not a knee-jerk response. However, even after cooling off, I still felt it important that you know that just because you see my name in the "TO" box, doesn't mean I think the below is funny or appropriate.I'm sorry if my response has made anyone uncomfortable, but I decided some things should not be left unsaid.Sincerely,Me
This was one of the more scary things I've ever sent out in my life. Not because I don't believe what I said, but because I was really putting myself out there. As soon as I hit send, I started thinking maybe I had made a mistake, made an enemy, etc. God bless my husband. For those of you who know him, he is extremely wise about when to speak out and when to keep quiet. As prudent as he is, he encouraged me to say what I thought and then after I hit send, reassured me that what I had done was "okay." I guess I care what people think of me after all.
A couple of hours later I got an apology (replied to all)- the ol' "I'm sorry I offended you." The sender then went on to say that he/she enjoyed (hold onto your skirts for this one) both "pro-republican and pro-democratic jokes alike" and he/she thought I, too, liked jokes from "all views."
HOLY CATFISH! A political joke?? I don't know who the sender thought he/she was kidding, but none of the people I know on that email list are stupid enough to think a joke is "political" when it's subject is clearly a group of people who share similar skin pigment.
Secondly, "I'm sorry I offended you?" How about "I'm sorry I sent out something offensive. It was wrong." I guess I was in the wrong because I don't have a sense of humor. Who knew?
Well, I'm getting all worked up again. After I got the apology for offending my political senses, I just decided to reply with an "Of course I accept your apology," and to everyone else that I was not angry with the sender. Which is mostly true. I'm not mad so much as upset that I even had to go there.
But, I'd rather feel a little anxious about what people might think of me than feel shame when I look my non-white child in the eye. After all, today it's a black joke, tomorrow it's a red joke.
Every day I tell Annie how smart and beautiful and wonderful she is--and I speak in truth. Events like the one I described above scare me to death, because I fear no matter how much I love her and praise her and teach her that she is wonderful just as she was created, it won't matter. In a few years Annie will no doubt discover people all around who will never judge her on the content of her character. I just hope we can raise her to be strong enough to reject the noise of hate.
7 comments:
Good for you Hols. We at the shuttleworth household are very proud of you. Thanks for speaking up for social justice even when it's personally uncomfy. Annie is blessed to have a mom like you.
You handled that wonderfully. I usually get worked up and then think it's hopeless and don't respond....I've even got one from my mother-in-law, who, as you know, also has a non-white child. It's especially infuriating that it was treated as if you just didn't "get it" or understand that it was intended as a joke...that was part of why it was offensive!
Good for you Holly! I thought your response was great and very reserved. I'm sure many of the other people on the email list were pretty disgusted too, but were afraid to say something. You're a hero!
I back you all the way. This crap needs to stop. Racism has not hidden just because the south magically switched parties after Civil Rights came our way. There is nothing "Christian" about this stuff.
Yes. Well done Holly! Thank you.
That's really sad Holly. You know, I'm a little taken aback every time you mention that Annie is non-white, because I never think of her that way. I don't really think of her as "white," - I just think of her as a precious little girl that God made exactly the way she is. It's really sad that she'll have to deal with stupid people who can't get past those little differences. She's blessed to have you and Mike for parents, to have you be her advocate and to have you teach her how to be her own advocate!
I'm so glad you spoke out! Good for you! We need more people who will.
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