I started Weight Watchers this week. I'm on my seventh day and it's been an emotional rollercoaster. How much of that has to do with hormones I'm not sure, but I think that's definitely a factor.
I've never been a girl with a weight fixation or issue. I've been very lucky/blessed in that regard. When I was younger, I could eat anything I wanted and it would disappear. Put it this way-- the doctor tested me for a tapeworm when I was 7.
Of course, as I've gotten older the ol' metabolism's slowed down a bit, but all and all I've stayed within 10 lbs of where I've always been in an adult body. Until 2009. The medication I've been on since November 2008 has wreaked havoc with my mind, emotions and now my booty. Since January, I've put on 15-18 pounds. Which is a lot on a frame like mine. And please, save me the affirming "you still look good" comments because you haven't seen me naked, none of my pants fit, and my lower half looks like it's been slapped with a sack of nickels. And, I just keep thinking if it only took me three or four months to put on that initial weight, I could flippin' double my fun by, say-- AUGUST! And then I would definitely need to get that tapeworm off the internet.
So, I went to Weight Watchers last Tuesday, wrote down a number in the little book that made me cringe, and sat thru the meeting (next to a good friend, thank God). That was hard. Not because the meeting or the people, the just "being there." I got there early to sign up and weigh-in. During the process, I made jokes and kept it light to try and make myself feel better, but I was DYING inside. I was just trying to keep it together and not cry. Sidenote: I hate crying in front of people. They always want to comfort you which usually ends up in an awkward (for me) embrace.
I also decided that this was as good a time as any to start a work-out program-- because, you know, why take things one step at a time? The first walk/run, I was crying on the track. Like I said, I am an emotional wreck.
As the week passed, it's gotten easier. I only had one Coke, and sadly, it wasn't as good as I'd been fantasizing it would be. However, it was a can and not from Sonic which is my drug of choice. I did my third "walk/run" in the couch to 5K program I started, so now my next run will be "week two." I haven't cheated on the points thing. I have like 29 flex points left, so I think I really stuck to the program this first week. But I have a nagging feeling.
If I go and weigh in tomorrow, and I've gained weight or stayed the same, I honestly don't know what I'll do. Outside, I'm sure I'll make a joke and keep my chin up, but inside, I'll be a puddle on the floor.
2 comments:
Oh man I am with you. The move has not been good for the bod. I have had several near tears episodes at the gym and in the mirror lately. You can always call and hash it out with me - no brave face or rational perspective required.
You are doing awesome! I am proudly cheering you on your 5K journey and in taking on the dreaded points.
Wow. I really need to keep up with your blog--I had no idea that you were so emotionally affected by your weight. We'll be skinny running partners in no time!
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