It's not often that I grieve, mostly because, so far, my life has been pretty posh. Nothing bad has really happened in my immediate personal life. If you'd asked me if I really cared about the suffering of those across the world, I would say "yes," but if I was truly being honest, the answer would be that I was indifferent.
Sunday at church, the picture above was shown during the lesson. I'd seen it before-- probably years ago. It won a Pulitzer in 1994. But when I saw it on Sunday, it upset me so badly that I couldn't stop crying. The ache at my core was what I would expect if I lost someone close to me. When I saw that girl, I saw my own child and it made me sick, furious and filled with despair.
I don't know what's changed. Has becoming a mother made me more sensitive or is it just age that does it? Whatever it is, I'll tell you this: I had an existential crisis sitting on that pew.
I wondered where was God for that girl and for the millions like her? Why do I give all this money to church when it could be better spent feeding the hungry? Why are we burning FOOD to fill our gas tanks? I was humiliated at the audacity of my desire for "stuff," when all some are begging for is a cup of clean water. Like I said, I had a moment-- and I don't know yet what to do about it.
3 comments:
I've never seen that picture before. Thank you for sharing it.
About donating to church versus other more "charitable" organizations....I came across an article somewhere about the history and original purpose of the tithe versus what it has become today. The author suggested donating a set "fee" to your church, to help pay for all the things you get from the church like small groups, sermon,worship, etc.., and that the actual tithe should really be for directly helping the poor. (Which of course can be done through a Christian organization.)
That picture is absolutely heartbreaking. I have struggled with where my money is going on many occassions. All of the instructions in the New Testament about giving are from Paul who is traveling around taking up collections to take to the brothers (and sisters) in Jeruslaem who are starving because of a famine there. I'm not sure when it turned into us chipping in to pay for the lights, but somehow it did and I can't shake the feeling that it wasn't at God's direction. There are many things that I think we do wrong in church today. This is one of them--perhaps the biggest. I have been to a couple of churches now where the money got tight and the first things to go were benevolence and mission work. If we aren't there to do that stuff, then what are we there for? Can't we meet in homes to cut utility costs and continue our original mission until contribution goes up?
But, really, I'm avoiding facing the reality that I personally should be allocating my funds in a more compassionate, less self-serving manner. I think I find that picture particularly painful because I hurt for that girl and I am so ashamed of myself that it hurts.
Gotta go--keep posting!
I had a student give a speech on this same image today.
He said that the photographer committed suicide soon after receiving the Pulitzer because it haunted him. Apparently he did not help the child get to the UN food camp, which is where she was crawling to, because at the time they were told that the risk of being infected with a life threatening illness was too great. But, he never forgave himself for not helping her.
His name was Kevin Carter, apparently the whole story was in a Time article called "The Life and death of Kevin Carter" published on 12 Sept 1994.
What a sad story. I totally agree with your emotional crisis. Such a struggle for blessed christians like us.
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